Dad

 Father's Day is coming up. I don't know what your relationship is, or was, with your Dad, but I've thought a lot about my Dads. Yes. Dads. Plural. Like most homes today, I came from a split family. Some families have one parent, and some families have two sets of parents. I had two sets. This did mean, however, two birthdays, two Christmas', two bedrooms. Pretty much two of everything, including two sets of rules and lifestyles. I'll go into these topics another time. Right now, I want to talk about my Dads.
  Both of my Dads have a lot in common, for one, me. Having to put up with me, deal with me, tend to me, feed me, clothe me, listen to me complain, me me me me. Besides that, the are both French, they were raised in the same neighborhood and they were the best of friends. Both are stubborn and yes, they both were married to my Mom.
   The differences in my Dads is their approach to things. One Dad asks a lot of questions. Why? What? How come? The other Dad has adopted the Monkey See Monkey Do theory. See no evil, Speak no evil, Hear no evil. One inquired about everything possible, the other felt it's better to leave things alone. Don't stir up trouble.
  
I love both my Dads. They both raised me, they both have taken care of me and I have learned a lot from both of them. I'm proud to call them DAD. With different ways of dealing with things, different views on life and different lifestyles, they have both taught me the same things.
  First, when I say different lifestyles I mean this.......
  One smokes, one doesn't. One will have a drink every once in a while, the other won't. One has animals the other doesn't. One household tends to be a bit noisier than the other. One plays video games, the other, not so much. One Dad likes popcorn, the other Dad likes ice cream.
  Second, they both love movies, I love movies. Action movies. I get this from both Dads.
  What I have realized is that Dad 1 and Dad 2 have always worked hard. Most of my life they have had more than one job at a time. Providing for the family has always been top priority. Making sure that you have what you need, not necessarily what you want, but definitely what you need.
Selflessness is a characteristic that they share. When there is something to be done, they do it. Not after this program, or after dinner. They get the job done pronto. Their needs always came after the needs of their families. Sacrifice seemed to come easily for them. But sacrifice is hard, mixed with bittersweet results.
    As a parent, I can look back and see the catch 22 of being a Dad. Providing means sacrificing. There were no weekend fishing trips where they could just sit around and relax hoping to catch the 'big one'. They didn't pack the family up and fly to Disneyland over summer vacation. Let's face it, they didn't get vacation. There was work to do all year round. If they had a week off from one job, they still had to work the second job.
 Their vacation was a moment here and there. A day to steal away and do something fun. It didn't happen often. But when it did, it was a memorable day. 

   I learned to laugh from my Dads. When we did get to spend time together, it wasn't about instruction, it wasn't about discipline (directly anyways.), it was about life. Spending time, not quantity but quality time together.
   Sometimes I would help my Step-Dad with work he brought home. This was fun, getting to do what Daddy does. Sharing in this experience of being a part of his workday. We would sit at the kitchen table making hinges, talking about anything that came to us. These moments were rare and meaningful.
   Another special time for me was driving with my Dad-Dad.  We would spend this time talking. I don't know what we would talk about, but I looked forward to being in the car with him. Just him and I, alone, talking.
    Watching movies is another thing I really liked. We liked the same movies. Action. Bruce Willis, Clint Eastwood, action packed, special effects movies.
   
    What I learned mostly from both Dads is to listen. Be slow to speak and quick to listen. You learn a lot from listening. Especially when a child is talking to you, giving your full undivided attention is highly important to a child. I always felt like they were interested in what I had to say. Of course, I'm sure most of the time I spoke non-sense. It didn't matter, they listened.
    I learned how to be strong and prioritize. What is important and beneficial should come first. Food, clothing shelter. Yup, those are all important.
     My Dad-Dad is a Marine. Order is important also. I organize things all the time. Trying to find the most effective way to have things. Like my sock draw, or kitchen cabinets. Things have to be in order and they have to make sense.
   My Dad-Dad also organizes his food. I'm talking the food on his plate. Green Beans are lined up according to height. He'll cut his meat up into bite sized pieces and line them up also. When everything is in order, he'll start to eat. It's quite funny, but I must admit, I do it too. When my Dad-Dad works on a project, his tools are lined up by his side. Everything is laid out and ready to use. He even reads the instructions!
  As for my Step-Dad and I, we look at the pictures. A goes here, and BHMMMM, what's this piece? L? I didn't see an L in the diagram. Just stick L in a draw for now, we really don't need it.
  My Step-Dad would wake us up at four in the morning. 'Get your bathing suits on, we're going to the beach.'  We'd throw on our suits and pack a cooler and go. Hopefully someone remembered the sunscreen.
    Not my Dad-Dad. 'Ok, Saturday we'll get up at six am to leave for the beach. Friday night let's pack up the truck.' He would have the directions written out, first aid kit ready and a plan for the day.
  
Like I said, they are the same but so different. Oh yeah, both their names are the same........Paul. That's why I say Step-Dad and Dad-Dad.

    I am more of a planner. I like order. I like knowing what's going to happen, what comes next. It's safe and comforting. But then, sometimes I like to be spontaneous. Just get up and go, make a last minute decision. It's fun and exciting.
      I loved it when my Step-Dad would decide we were going to the drive-in to catch a movie. After dinner he'd announce, 'Let's go to the drive-in.' It was fun. My brother and I would put on our p.j's, grab our pillows and blankets and get in the Pinto Wagon. When we got there, we'd eat hamburgers and fries. So what if we just had dinner, this is part of the fun! Eating food from aluminum foil wraps. It couldn't get any better than this!
   I like to plan things out, have everything in order, like my Dad-Dad.
But I don't tell the kids until the last minute, like my Step-Dad.
SO, I have it all planned and I'm comfortable with it. Then I spring it on the kids and they're all excited and eager for this 'last minute' adventure.

I love them for their dedication, for their sacrifice, for their love. I appreciate all they have taught me, all that they have shared. Being a Dad is hard work.

Anyone can be a Father..........but it takes someone really special to be a Dad.
I am doubly blessed to say that I have two super duper wonderful Dads.
I love you both with all of my heart!!

Happy Father's Day.