Don't judge a book.....

Don't judge a book by it's cover.

 Remember when you were in school and you had to cover your books. The covers were old grocery bags. Paper ones. When you were done, each book looked like the next. So you had to write the subject on it...English, Math, Science, History...etc.
Then as time went by, you would doodle on them. Write stuff on them, like your favorite group, actor or maybe even the 'crush' you had that year.
 Eventually, you didn't have to read the Subject to know which book it was. You would grab the book with the heart and dagger tattoo drawing on the spine, that was your Math book. Or the 'Where's Waldo?' sticker, that would be your History book. Maybe the one with the P.B&J smear was your Science book.
The cover wouldn't reflect the content.  
I find this to be the same with people.

It always amazes me how quick people judge other people.
For instance, there's this lady that I know. I've not known her for a long time, just a short few years, and I was always under the impression she didn't like me.
  Oh, try as I did, to become her friend. But nothing seemed to work. I would try to become part of the conversation whenever she was around. When I spoke, it was like I was invisible. She's look at someone else in the group and would comment on what I said. I'd even look her in the eye, or try to, and talk. Still, it seemed she could look right through me.
  There were times it just ticked me off. My blood would boil, my nerves would be racked. Every possible meeting would come into my mind, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what I had done. How have I wronged this woman? Did I say something? Did she think I wasn't intelligent enough to be in the conversation?
 I mean, yes. Sometimes I wasn't familiar with some of the subjects that were brought up. I'd ask questions. Then I'd feel like a total ditz because I asked. Well, maybe I wasn't intelligent enough. Maybe my outlook on things were just simply childish to her.
 
 Many times I saw her as a woman who just wanted someone to listen. I wanted to be that someone. I wanted to connect with her on some level, any level. After all, we are both woman , and woman like to talk.
She is a hardcore woman. She doesn't pull any punches. Tells it like it is. Her opinions are very strong and a lot of times extremely defined. This is a strong woman who projects confidence. I wouldn't want to be on the other end of her wrath, I want her on my side. Who wouldn't?
 That was probably it! I'm very opinionated, I have very strong views. Maybe we clash. Maybe I'm offensive to her? There are many times she'll say something that would offend me. Especially if it has to do with my children or my husband.
 My children aren't perfect and my husband works hard. Sometimes there would be an off the cuff comment or two that would just send a bolt of lightening right up my spine. My feathers would be ruffled and I wanted to lash back. Comment on something that would bother her. But, I don't think anything bothered her. She's like a rock of confidence. She knows who she is, where she stands. Me? Where do I stand with her?

 Then, it happened one evening. Everything seemed to be going ok. Then...BLAM!  Another comment. This one hurt me as a parent. Something along the lines of abandoning my child. ( I left the room to get my son something and left him with her.) OH THAT DID IT! No more, I couldn't take it any more. I had to say something. But I didn't want to say anything out of anger, so I pretended I didn't hear the comment and went back to the 'easy' conversation.
  All the while, just waiting for another blow to come my way. It's funny. The more you look for something to upset you...the more you find things that are upsetting. Oh she was on a roll.  THEN.......

Something happened. I saw her in a different light. She was human. Normal. Her features softened. She wasn't saying things to hurt me, she was just talking. Kind of like keeping the conversation going with a whole lot of 'and thens'. Filling the void, the silence in the room. It was her way of connecting. Like when guys punch each other on the shoulder. That's all.
  Man, I hope I'm right. It was only her and I in the room now. Here's my chance. I mustered up enough courage to ask if she has any issues with me that we could talk about. To my relief, her answer was no. But did she mean it? Again I ask,'' Are you sure? Anything?''.. ''No, honest''. Phew!! It was like a lead weight, a ton of insecurities , gone! Wow!
  She said she thought I had a problem with her. Can you believe it?
 So, in the few years we've known each other, we both thought the same thing. What a waste of time!
  I sit here thinking of all the times she and I have spent with each other, coupled with our spouses. It's time I can't get back. But I hope there's plenty of time ahead to get to know her, as she is.

  We can be very hard on people, and very hard on ourselves. Especially woman. Gaggle of geese is the expression used to describe a group of women that gather together to talk. I wonder, how many woman are like me? Thought something about someone, and you were dead wrong. It's embarrassing and humbling all at the same time.

So I started this weekend, with an old/new friend.